Christmastime. Whilst it’s a time as Sir Cliff once sang of ‘mistletoe and wine’ its also that time of year the scourge of the bar and waiting staff of Belfast makes an appearance…yip that’s right…the once a year drinker.
That bloke (or to keep things right ‘lady’) whose exploits in the world of alcohol consumption extend to a sip of wine at communion or a small sherry at the nieces wedding but come Christmastime think they can compete with the rest of the lads (or ladies) in the office who knock back pints or sample gins…on their lunch-break.
When the drinks in…common sense goes out the window and they just want the band or DJ in the bar to play Proud Mary…on repeat…as they are juke-boxes!
So, what really annoys the bar and waiting staff of our great city?
1. The Drinks Order
When its their round they order 1 drink at a time…not realising its 3 deep at the bar and there are at least 10 people vying for the attention of the one under siege barperson.
And to top it all…yeah, the last drink ordered is a pint of Guinness.
Give me strength!
2. The Pre-Order
Whilst the food pre-order seems the most straight-forward fool-proof system…its does have one flaw.
Yes…that person who may have ordered the soup but once they see the rich and creamy Camembert and sweet cranberries decide that’s for them and just ignore the waiter who walks up and down the table saying ’vegetable soup, who ordered the vegetable soup?’ and repeat.
3. The Whistle
Nothing will get the bar tenders attention better than a wolf – whistle or for that matter a ‘yeeoohhh’…cause that will make them serve you straight away.
Yes, they were trained on a farm and love watching re-runs of ‘One Man & His Dog’.
4. The Bill
Now after your meal, some with 2 courses, some with 3, some with coffees, some with drinks, some just on the water and some on wine they ask for the bill and once presented say to the waiter that they want to settle the bill…. INDIVIDUALLY!
Yes, the waiter does have time just to concentrate on your one table and has the mathematical prowess of Rachal Riley from Countdown.
5. The Smoker
Now that the drink has kicked a ‘fag’ every 5 minutes is the law so please get up and leave your seat and don’t worry about the waiter or the kitchen for that matter who has to plate your dinner…cause they can wait.
Not as if they are busy enough.
Then when you get back to your seat give a whistle or a yeeooohh and ask ‘where’s my dinner then?’ complaining for everyone to hear that the service is lousy!
6. The Name Dropper
Now good bars employ good door staff…registered door staff, staff who have undergone training on customer care and the law.
They do have a duty of care to look after all patrons who frequent their premises…so if they stop you from entering…they (99% of the time) have a good valid reason why you can’t get in…and that reason round the festive period is probably that you are a mess and can’t stand on your own two feet.
Now this is the time when Mr (or Mrs to keep it right) Christmas Drinker declares they are best pals with the owner or big boss man dropping names left right and centre.
The declaration that there’ll be a P45 in the post if they aren’t let in is also a much-used festive favourite.
Not the first time a door person or for that matter a Manager have stood there getting the finger pointed and told it’s the last night they will work in this industry.
Trust me…on the run up to Christmas some wish it was!
7. The Doting Parent
Yeah….as well as serving drinks and your food the staff are registered child-minders as your kid seem to be allowed to ‘run amuck’ around the place while you get quietly steaming. Now if caught they will be given loads of sugar and possibly a kitten. That’ll teach you.
8. Wide eyed….and shoeless
High heels are well thought off in the BOAD office but there’s always that lady (or to keep things right…that man) who wants to dance with the heels off, no matter how many times they are told to put their shoes back on.
It can and does get very repetitive.
So here’s a secret…
Even in good bars glass can get broken and feet and broken glass agree as much as Arlene and Michelle agree…over well anything!
And one other thing.
If you want to wear high heels please learn to walk in them.
Trust me it’s not a good look if you can’t.
9. The Educator
Yip…bar staff love being told how to do their job. ‘Keep filling that measure’…it is a measure…it can’t get any more full when it reaches the top.
That’s why they call it a measure…or ‘make sure you use the proper stuff’…cause that’s right we keep all the illicit stuff under the counter.
Last, But Not Least
But seeing as it’s the season of goodwill and all that, we at BOAD HQ want to wish you all a great Christmas and a Happy New Year and please don’t forget to tip the staff!
If you do…they will forgive you for ordering that pint of Guinness last.